I’m Gary and I acquired a visible difference nearly five years ago, due to a cancerous tumour that I had in my right-hand upper jaw. The operation and subsequent radiotherapy that saved my life left me with the appearance I have today.
My five-year journey has been very challenging, and I have had to face many stressful situations that have made me feel very uncomfortable. The daily challenge of getting up in the morning and seeing someone else in the mirror never goes away.
However, I am thankful that my consultant and the wider NHS family saved my life and allowed me to still be on this planet to see my sons get married and be here for the arrival of my beautiful grandson, born two years ago.
Do I go forward with the surgery, or do I accept who I am now and get on with my life?
As the years have gone on, I’ve adjusted to my new situation. I am getting comfortable with how things are and how I look, but now I’m facing my next challenge. At my last consultant review (all okay) I was offered the possibility of having reconstruction surgery. The surgery would involve taking some muscle from my right forearm and using this to fill the space where my upper jaw would have been.
My consultant explained to me that this would improve my current quality of life and allow me to have a level of improved appearance. I would still have a scar, but not the current visible difference I have. It would also correct and close my nasal cavity, which presents me with some daily challenges.
Away from the physical change I would experience, I also have to overcome some physiological challenges. The operation would be as invasive as my initial operation and as well as needing time to heal and recover, I would also spend some time in intensive care. My family would also be going through the same worries as before, in terms of the risk element present in every operation. And a key concern is what I would look like afterwards – would the person in the mirror give me more challenges than I have today?
Gary has come to accept his scarring, making the choice around further surgery a difficult one
At my next appointment in six months’ time, I will reach a milestone of being five years clear of cancer. This is the point in time where you are officially cured of the disease and that’s something I have been looking forward to achieving.
But at the same point, I have a choice to make. Do I go forward with the surgery, or do I accept who I am now and get on with my life? The surgery would resolve some of the issues that I experience, but on the other hand, things could go wrong and leave me with additional concerns that I do not experience today.
Having a visible difference is a constantly evolving journey. There will be ups and downs, with self-acceptance never a linear thing, but that’s okay. Developing new concerns or insecurities isn’t a sign of failure, it’s simply another opportunity to grow.
I have six months to make up my mind and decide on what I am going to do. Wish me luck on the next stage of my journey.
