Christmas – The joy of spending time with loved ones, hot chocolates mounted with marshmallows, festive songs and eager giggles at seeing Santa for the first time. On the other hand the festive period can bring up significant anxieties for people with visible differences. One thing that can really affect how ‘merry’ the festive period is for people with visible differences comes from home: comments from relatives.
I’ve been sat around numerous tables around the festive period when out of nowhere my visible difference becomes a topic for discussion, whether it’s how ‘good’ it looks, unsolicited advice or simple insults. It can be a difficult area to navigate with those closest to you. Here are five top tips for dealing with comments about your visible difference around Christmas time:
1. A quick and simple response
Before going to the social gathering prep a few quick phrases you can utilise if your visible difference is brought up. These can shut down or pass on conversation to another topic. This is the technique I use most often and some examples I use are:
- ‘I’d really like to enjoy today without talking about my visible difference.’
- ‘Thanks for the tip but I’ve got it under control’
- Sometimes a simple ‘please can you pass the carrots’ will suffice!
2. Prepping those you trust
Take some time to speak to those you trust, even better if they are attending the same social events. Speak to them about what makes you nervous and what you feel would benefit you best at this time. This way you can create a game plan beforehand. Perhaps they’ll interrupt conversation or take you to another room. Even just being aware there are people behind you is a big confidence booster.
We live in an age where there is plenty of information at your fingertips so unless YOU want to talk about it, never feel that you have to.
3. Educating
If there is a particular person you notice this pattern with, it may be time to sit down and discuss your visible difference. The benefit of this is that hopefully they’ll be very receptive, learn and take on board your point of view so that it doesn’t happen again. It’s a great opportunity to share more about your life, tell them about how your visible difference affects you and why it’s inappropriate to bring up your visible difference if you haven’t prompted it. It’s important to remember that most of the time, people are simply unaware and are trying to help.
4. Take a step back
There is absolutely nothing wrong with removing yourself from an uncomfortable topic. I can remember one particular encounter where several people discussed my skin and I hadn’t even had a chance to contribute to the conversation. In these circumstances, simply walk away, take some time out and gather yourself together. Hopefully that will send a strong message or at the very least conversation will have moved on by the time you return.
5. You don’t owe anyone anything
A key thing to remember is that you don’t owe anybody an explanation. It is not up to you to educate. We live in an age where there is plenty of information at your fingertips so unless YOU want to talk about it, never feel that you have to.
It can completely throw off your day when your visible difference unexpectedly becomes the focus, particularly in times you have not been thinking about it. However, you aren’t alone and there are so many great resources available to help, and a supportive community within Changing Faces.
If you are the loved one of someone with a visible difference reading this, it’s important to choose the correct time to speak to someone about their visible difference. A general rule of thumb would be to let the person bring it up to you but if that’s not possible then do consider the environment – the conversation can wait until after the Christmas pudding!
