My son Charlie was in a car crash when he was four, which left him with scarring on his head and face.
There have been numerous occasions when children and even grown adults have stared at him or asked him directly what has happened to his appearance, which can be a strange and upsetting experience for him.
Today, his scars are less noticeable and the reactions from others are less frequent. Except when he meets new people, where second glances and invasive questions become all too familiar again.
It’s why transitioning from primary school to secondary school has been an anxious time for Charlie, and for us as parents too.
Life at primary school was great for Charlie. The school and teachers were very supportive. There has only ever been one incident that was rectified immediately, and teachers also worked with the pupils during Face Equality Week to raise awareness of visible differences.
When Charlie didn’t get into the secondary school of his choice this year, it was a very upsetting time. His two best friends got into Charlie’s first choice and all his other peers are attending another school in the area. This means that Charlie will be starting a new school without any primary school peers at all.
We decided to make a plan of action that would help to reduce some of our anxious feelings as a family.
As parents to a child with a visible difference, you get all kinds of racing thoughts in your head with each new experience they have. What if the other children stare, ask questions, say inappropriate or hurtful things? The fact that he would be alone without the support and safety blanket of his primary school friends has made these thoughts and feelings worse.
Fortunately, Charlie is truly one of the bravest people we’ve known. He decided that he didn’t want to go through the appeal process again to get into his first choice of school, but see what opportunities the school he did get into would bring. It’s a decision that’s made us even more proud of him and one which we fully support.
We decided to make a plan of action that would help to reduce some of our anxious feelings as a family. We started by getting in touch with Charlie’s new school and explaining Charlie’s situation. The school were very supportive and made some special arrangements for Charlie to visit for a tour of the school on his own. We met the Pupil Support Worker who took Charlie on the tour and were assured that she will be Charlie’s point of contact if he has any worries or concerns. She was amazing with Charlie which made him feel at ease.
The school also made sure that they put Charlie in the same form class as a friend who he used to play football with. This was also a huge relief and after these small steps he is now confident to start secondary school on his own. It’s also helped Charlie’s feelings of nervousness to be included and involved in the conversations we’ve had with the school and keeping up to date with any information they’ve shared with us.
We’ve also found positives to focus on. For Charlie, it’s the sport. His new school offer a fantastic range of sporting activities, including rowing, as the school have access to the Durham Rowing Club. He’s also looking forward to learning new subjects and a new language. These opportunities are what has helped Charlie turn negative energy and anxiety into excitement.
To parents who are in a similar situation as us: please know that you’re not alone. It’s completely normal to feel nervous and we will no doubt be feeling nervous on Charlie’s first day. But try to remain positive and put your trust in the school and in your child’s capabilities.
