I’m Stacey and I was born with a cleft lip and palate. Having a visible difference has impacted me a lot throughout my life.
In my early years, besides from the surgeries and appointments, having a cleft didn’t really affect me as I didn’t know any different. I was a confident and happy child. However, towards the end of primary school, I became aware that I looked different and in secondary school, I was treated as an outsider. I was stared at, called names and bullied. As I had a considerable underbite, children used to laugh and say I looked like a bulldog or call me Bubba (from Forest Gump). After this, I hated the way that I looked and my smile.
I spent a lot of years trying to cover my mouth and feeling like everyone was staring at me. When I went to college, and after having jaw surgery, my confidence slowly increased but I don’t think I ever really liked the way I looked until my 30’s.
Sharing your story is so important, as it can help others feel less alone in what they are experiencing.
I’m now the parent of a child with a visible difference. My son, Dylan, also has a cleft. According to CLAPA, if one parent has a cleft, around 2-8% of their children will have a cleft too.
Having Dylan has made me reach out to and join lots of cleft communities. When we first had the diagnosis, I thought I just needed to fill him with confidence so that he won’t be bullied, or if he is, he won’t let it get to him. Then I got upset as I thought, how can I do that, when I don’t feel confident myself?
Joining these communities has got me involved in many things I wouldn’t have otherwise, which has made me more self-aware and built my confidence. Being a parent makes you want to advocate for your child generally but I think for parents of children with visible differences, this is even stronger. I will do whatever I can to raise awareness and make the world more accepting for my son. Having a cleft myself has given me a compassion and empathy that I hope has influenced my parenting for the better. Dylan knows he’s not alone in this.
Stacey’s son Dylan also has a cleft
For anyone who might be struggling with their visible difference, I encourage you to reach out to others, whether that be family, friends or community groups for people affected by a visible difference. I think that would’ve helped me hugely when I was growing up, as it’s only really since having my son that I’ve done this, and it has made a profound difference. Talking to others about your experiences is so beneficial and has helped me to embrace my cleft. Everyone is beautiful because of what makes them unique.
Sharing your story is so important, as it can help others feel less alone in what they are experiencing. It also creates understanding and empathy for others who may not be directly connected to visible difference, ensuring they go out into the world with kindness. For the individual sharing their story, it can help them to process stressful or traumatic events that have happened and empower them to use their voice more widely. Don’t underestimate the power of storytelling.
I want to make the lives of people with visible differences easier.
I would love to see people with visible differences have more positive exposure within the media – be that through actors in TV series and films playing characters other than villains or victims, or through people featuring in all types of advertising. Seeing individuals with visible differences in all walks of life will begin to make it more “normal” and improve acceptance.
Photography in particular can be so powerful which is why I have started my own project called Changing Smiles. I’m a photographer by trade, so combining this skill with my passion for raising awareness was a no brainer.
The project involves me taking portrait images of beautiful individuals born with clefts, who I like to call superheroes. I want to share these amazing people with the world, and I hope to photograph 700 people in total, as 1 in 700 babies are born with clefts. I am now planning to expand the project to other facial differences. One day I would love to have an exhibition and maybe publish a book. The ultimate dream is to fill the first page of Google with these beautiful images rather than the sterile, clinical, sometimes scary images it has now.
I want to make the lives of people with visible differences easier, especially for children.
