I’m Stephen and in 2001 I acquired burns scarring following my car being set alight by an arsonist.
I was a new dad and the stress of this was getting to me. I was worried I wouldn’t be good enough, and this led to me staying later at work to avoid being at home – a fact I’m not proud of. The night of the incident, I’d gone to the pub to have a few drinks after work. I headed to my car and decided to sleep off the alcohol and make my way home afterwards. While I was sleeping, an arsonist came across my car and set it on fire with me inside.
I remember waking and realising that I was on fire. I couldn’t open the door, so I tried breaking the window, but failed. The fire brigade found me slumped across the front seats after the fire had been put out.
From there to the hospital, all I remember is pain and strange dreams as I came in and out of consciousness. Once stable, I was taken to the Chelsea & Westminster Hospital to be treated for 40% full thickness burns, collapsed lungs and smoke inhalation.
After three months in hospital and countless surgeries, I was finally able to go home. So many thoughts crossed my mind during this time, and I blamed myself for being in that situation to start with. I thought it was Karma. Thankfully, there were two people who got me through those dark days, and that was my partner and my little girl. They were there with me every step of the way, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them.
Stephen with his baby daughter before the incident
As well as dealing with the emotional and physical trauma of the incident, I also found myself having to deal with staring. People would look at me like I was something from a freak show. I had comments such as “there’s a reason not to come out of your house”, ” lock your children away before they get taken” and “should you be standing there, Freddie Kruger?”
I’m a resilient person and can rise above these ignorant comments, but you learn very fast how cruel the world can be. Thankfully, there are also many people who are kind, caring, thoughtful and see beyond your scars. I was told that if you look at people, then people will look at you. Why should I spend my life looking at the floor? Now I stare them straight back. You are you, and the world should accept us for who we are.
Now, nearly 22 years on, my partner has become my wife (I could write a whole page on how wonderful she is) and we have eight amazing children. I am blessed with life, love, and happiness. We have had many lows, anger, and frustration to overcome, but we have all stuck together and I will always be grateful to everyone who has helped me get this far.
It can be a cruel world at times, but from my experience, there are many more people who will see you for you, not just your appearance.
I joined TikTok two years ago and have amassed some 21,000 followers. The videos I create help me to regain a little bit of the old me and escape the stress of life. I also wanted to be a face that others could get strength from and believe they can be who they want to be despite their condition. Unfortunately, the trolls do have their “fun”, but these are small-minded people who I laugh at more than be bothered by their comments.
Being on TikTok was always going to be difficult with my facial scars, but my soul and personality didn’t change after the fire, and I wanted to portray that. While there may be the odd negative comment, the positive ones thoroughly outnumber them.
My advice on facing the world with a visible difference is to not to be afraid. There’s no doubt that it can be a cruel world at times, but from my experience, there are many more people who will see you for you, not just your appearance.
I wish everyone the best. Be brave, be strong and grab life with both hands.
